There is something exciting about this time of year. Summer is drawing to an end, school is starting, stores are filled with back to school clothes and supplies. Oh the school supplies! They call out to me. I can’t help but take a look to see what new, colorful and unnecessary yet wonderful wares are for sale at the start of every year. I was at Target with Jaime just a few weeks ago and when I mentioned I needed to check out the school section (for my tutoring business, naturally), a groan escaped the man’s lips. I guess spending a lengthy amount of time browsing in the supply section wasn’t his idea of great time. What? Who doesn’t love school supplies?
Maybe I’m a little over the top. I remember waiting eagerly for the supply list to arrive every August and poring over it as a child. The list often gave a hint as to what the teacher might be like. Did they require binders with dividers? Were folders okay? Were you allowed to use notebooks or did you have to have loose leaf paper? I remember feeling proud and excited once I hit the age where pens made the list! I always loved going to school and it was thrilling to have fresh, new things to take along on the first day.
I was a classroom teacher for seven years before cystic fibrosis caused my health to take a turn. I left my job because I felt I needed to be away from the constraints of a full time job and especially away from the germs in the elementary setting. While I was employed by the school district I spent all but one year teaching special education in a program that involved both instructing students in my own classroom, usually for some combination of reading, writing, and math, and supporting students in their general education classrooms for content areas such as science and social studies. I loved teaching, and every year, when my former colleagues head back to work, I feel a bit wistful, and not just for the school supplies.
I remember clearly the feeling leading up to the end of summer. I would simultaneously lament the loss of summer freedoms and feel excited and exhilarated as I headed back to begin a new year. It’s nice to have a career where each year feels like a fresh start. There were always new ideas to try out, new technologies available, new decor in the classroom, and new students to meet. It was so much fun to go shopping, buy materials, and get all set up and ready for the students. Things look so bright and shiny on the first day of school. I would get there early, put a few finishing touches on the room, and wait. The busses would pull up, the kids would file off, and the building would suddenly become alive with energy and chatter. A new year!
I’m still a teacher even though I don’t work in a classroom anymore. In many ways, tutoring is much the same as teaching special education only it’s one on one instead of small group instruction. I get to foster relationships, target specific areas of need, and work on coming up with creative ideas, resources, and strategies to meet educational goals. Tutoring is a bit more relaxed than teaching and there is more room for students to comfortably express themselves which I love. I don’t have to attend long meetings, write IEP goals, mark report cards, or keep binders full of documentation anymore. I don’t miss those things.
But there are things I miss. I miss my colleagues. It was fun to be part of a team of teachers, working together towards achieving the same goals of educating children and trying hard to make a positive difference in their lives for the time they were under our care. I miss sharing daily life with those fellow workers and friends. I miss being employed by a school district–being a part of a system that was working together for the greater good of the community and its families. I also miss the classroom setting. There was something deeply satisfying about smoothly running a special education room that included multiple grade levels, students with differing schedules and services, students with wildly different strengths and weaknesses. I miss teaching groups of students–watching the dynamics between classmates, seeing relationships develop and blossom, observing the magic of children learning from one another.
It has been seven years since I resigned from my teaching job. I can hardly fathom that. When I left, I felt I had been teaching for so long, and now that amount of time has passed again in its entirety. Giving up my job was very sad for me. It was hard to lose a career that I loved, that fulfilled me, and that gave me a sense of purpose and a feeling of security. I felt forced out by my my disease, strong armed by cystic fibrosis as it were. Initially I felt defeated–like cystic fibrosis won and I lost. Diseases do take. They take away energy and strength, freedom, and sometimes dreams and aspirations. But God gives. The door closed on my classroom teaching career but God opened up new doors for me and gave me new things to do. He gave me many wonderful students to tutor. He gave me time to sleep, exercise, and focus on my health. He gave me volunteer activites to pour myself into. Four years after my resignation He gave me Lucas. Being his mother has been my favorite vocation thus far. Someday I’ll get to buy school supplies for him.
I actually bought some school supplies this year. I couldn’t help it. Here is what Lucas got:
And here is what I got (for my business! I promise!):
I still miss my old job, but I adore my new one. God is in the supplies business too. He has supplied all my needs–for a purpose, for vocation, for things to do, and for people to love and serve.